I am sure you remember the Oscar night in February 18. Frances Mc Dormand on stage, receiving her well-deserved Oscar, her undone hair, her dress, no-make-up but with a flaming speech on women´s empowerment. She and the next woman I mention inspired me to write about a topic I am working on for many years. Famous U.S. style expert Stacy London asked her client during a restyling session a question which woke me up:
"Do you want to be a popstar oder do you want to be a boss?"
I am still impressed by this so simple and clear question because it means nothing less than the decision how women want to present themselves. And just
From left: Style Expert Stacy London/ Style Icon Lyn Slater/ Actress Frances Mc Derman. credit: 1 Craig Barritt/Getty Images North America), 2: Accidentally Icon, 3: Alison Cohen for New York Times
During that restyle event the young woman seemed to ask herself this question for the first time. So like many women it seems to be quite clear that there exists only one way to express and show themselves. You have to be an attractive woman, satisfying a male audience, focusing on body. My words are exxagerated and out of date, you think? I am not that sure. During the last decades many things have changed but when you look for female rolemodels, you find a lot of attractive and appealing images and a small sum of diverse, queer and strong looks whoch tend more in a "male" look.
What´s the difference between popstar and boss? I am doing it a bit rough and exaggerated and English is not my mother tongue, so please excuse my mistakes......but I am sure you will
understand what I mean.
The Popstar stands for an extravert style and character, for body-focused fashion, a decorated body, for the Kim Kardashians, Madonnas, Jennifer Lopez, popstars and Instagrammer babes, etc for Contouring and false lashes, for physical elements. And: their style is mainly focused on a male´s eye and taste. Unfortunately dso many women try to achieve this look, so many girls want to be like them, just because they believe this style as the only way they get attention and people like them.
In general this style has got an expiry date. At the latest when ageing turns a girlie type into a mature woman the coloured hair and the make-up starts to appear unnatural. Then you have to leave the competition or change your look. Or become aware of other qualities you have got. Does a popstar style tell anyone about your intelligence, your intellectual abilities? Not really.
The bosswoman is standing above. The person, personality and deeds are standing in front of her, clothes and styling are tools for a better understanding and bringing focus to the parts they want to get attention on. It is about responsibility, working with your brain, heart and hands, it is about independence from others people´s opinions on you, it is about feeling sheltered in your body, feeling secure and strong. Without an expiration date but with personal development. You are a boss with 25 and with 60 as well. You focus on the important things and not stucked in diets, flat bodies and trying to overcome ageing.
When you are independent from other´s people views you can act freely. It is achievable and quite satisfying. Like a Frances Mc Dermand who stumbles on the stage without hair and face styling and despite that fauxpas getting more attention than her well- coiffured and make-up optimized actress colleagues in their well-draped dresses. A kind of self-mockery is much more attractive than women who fight every wrinkle just to be part of a game which nobody can win. There is always the younger, prettier and more attracting woman out there. I asked some men during the last years on their view on them. And all of them said they don´t matter a lot about their optical appearance. It ist part of them- and nothing more. They take themselves more easily as they are. So, we can learn a more relaxed way of self-perception. Do you agree?
Bosswomen rule the world
It is time for strength and independence, this will pave the way for our daughters, nieces, sisters and more. Girls, young women need role models. Don´t think I have a problem with
beautiful styles. I love clothes! I love styling, I am a designer and style coach! BUT/AND I love diverse female role models and looks. New role models and looks. And while we achieve
this sort of independence we have to think about men´s freedom, too. They still stuck in the trap of "only a strong man is a man".
6 ways to try a bosswoman style
1. Less is more( reduce and leave out decorations, blingbling, ruching, too much deco, take only one piece of jewellery)
2. straight shirt instead of feminine curvy blouse , clear shoes instead of sweet heels.
3. Make-up just for balancing and looking fresh but not for painting( no false lashes, no thick mascara, just natural)
4. Positive Mirror date every morning: Stand in front of a mirror, look into your eyes, smile and say: "Hello you, I love you."
5. Try new poses and face expressions: clear and relaxed-strong instead of hand in the hips and alluring face and lip expressions. How does it feel to walk straight and feel like a boss?
6. Wear clothes which give you strength and safety. Analyse the clothes of your partner, take a look at male shapes, simple and clear shapes and good fabrics.
And then do everything you want: With your whole body, with funny or serious faces, with male body posures, with all you want. More Frances Mac Dormand than Nicole Kidman, okay?
Where do you stand now? What is your challenge?
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